Helen's Doll Saga

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…Not in mood for a happy holiday

Posted by helen on December 23, 2015

The whole year I have been feeling sad, I dream of death ALL the time and worry something bad would happen… and its happening…

A close relative lost his battle to lung cancer,  my older cousin had an open-heart surgery,  now is having complications…  these bad news caused me sharp chest pain,  the holiday season is not a happy one.

All my dolls in my “Showcase” were dressed in blue, I tried to add some colors last night.  when I was sorting through Barbie’s Closet,  I  have this feeling that Death isn’t very far away from me.  Actually, it is not far away from anyone,  life is fragile.  A couple of my friends are selling off their dolls like no tomorrow, I’ll do the same thing very soon..   my future is thinning out, I’d better tidy up my place and find a house of Barbie dolls new homes, so I wont leave a big mess behind…


21 Responses to “…Not in mood for a happy holiday”

  1. Helen,
    I don’t know you personally, but I’ve been enjoying your blog and the lovely fashions you make. Praying for some of the joy of the season to come your way during this difficult time. Sylvia

  2. Sarah said

    Dear Helen,
    I am so sorry to read about the illness and death in your family. It is so hard to have this happen during the holidays.
    I hope the premonition you had concerned only them and that the New Year will bring you nothing but joy.
    You are such a great person and kind friend who always goes the extra mile.
    Your ooak fashions, dolls and artwork show what an amazing talent you are.
    Besides that you are so educated and wise. Your computer knowledge is phenomenal. You are a special creation, one of a kind, made in God’s image. Please know you are admired, trusted, loved, and important to me.
    I wish I could visit you and we would do cheerful things together.
    I hope you are coming to convention and we can have some time to spend together.
    Please take care my friend.
    Love you,

    • helen said

      Thanks you Sarah, for always supporting me. You are a wonderful friend, always kind & encouraging, I hate for not being able to put myself together

  3. Becky said


    I too want to add my thoughts to the others who are sending encouragement your way. You HAVE brought happiness to me when I see your creativeness come through in the clothing you make for the dolls. Please know that you are making an impact upon many of us who may not always be replying to your posts.

    I too am saddened by the death of those close to you. Such loss has occurred in my life also so I understand completely how you feel. It is folks like you who have shared themselves through their unique creations that have blessed me and encouraged me. Thank you for doing that in my life.

    Take care and know that you are not forgotten. Thank you for sharing your thoughts. Without sounding trite, I too will add my prayers on your behalf.


    • helen said

      thank you, Becky, thanks for understanding I know we all have to deal with death at some point of our lives, but there has been to many deaths in my life, each death had different kinds of impact on me…. not to mention the pain of losing family members, when a hard-working coworker who was like a mentor to me suddenly died, I quitted my job and no longer wanted to work hard as he did…

  4. Gabriela said

    Dear Helen,
    I am so sorry to read about the illness and death in your family as well. You are not alone and we are all here enjoying your life here on earth. You have brought so much happiness and joy and we are not far away to lend an ear or a hand. We do have each other. Do take care and I will also add my prayers for you as well.


  5. MindB said

    I understand what you are going through. All my best with a warm heart.

  6. Life is very fragile!! Helen, sorry to hear about your relatives. Sending *hugs* your way!! I also hope that you are okay and will be around for a long, long, long, long, long time!! I hope that you find the same joy that you bring to me (and probably others) through all of your creations!! And who else will tell us the REAL story of all the Mattel happenings. You are truly special and I pray that Christmas will bring you nothing but joy going forward!!! Love you!! Miss you!! Still keeping hope alive that you will change your mind about Jacksonville!!! =) Take care and wishing you a VERY MERRY CHRISTMAS!!!!

    • helen said

      Thanks Stephanie. my true fear is being left alone after all the family members are gone, and I wont be able to take care of myself. I wish I leave the earth before my family members do. My next door neighbor is 90 something and lives alone, a social worker takes care of her from 9 to 5, if she needs help after 5, she comes to knock at my door—she needs help with these really simple things that are easy for everyone else, such as opening windows of her living room — the windows need to be pushed up to open, she is so frail, she does not have the strength to do so..it just makes me sad sad


      • Helen, I understand that. I have a similar fear. I am not really close to my family so I really consider it just me and my Brother. And I too fear that when we both get older and need help, there is no one to take care of us. I have friends that I consider family and I am hopeful that at least one of them will check on this old lady. =) Don’t worry Helen…things will work out!!! Now put on that gorgeous smile and leave they worrying to itself. Just live your life and enjoy as much as you can. Your Barbie buddies will not let you down!!! Praying that 2016 brings you nothing but smiles and happiness at every turn!!! Luv ya!!!

      • helen said

        Luv ya back, Stephanie… love your positive & optimistic attitude. I need to adopt it from you

  7. Maria said

    I am so sorry to hear that you have been feeling so sad due to the illnesses and lost of your loved ones. I too know what it is to lose loved ones. I loss my father, my 2 next door neighbors last month, my uncle and cousin this past summer and a dear friend of the family.
    I live with the faith and hope that we will all see each other again in the glory of God! I also have my 3 awesome sons, husband, grandchildren and friends who help hold me up and give me a great deal of joy. I found your site because I was looking for a site to help me make clothes for my twin daughters’ Barbies. The turned 5 last month and are seriously into Barbie. What I would like to say to you is please don’t ever give up. You may be depressed, but don’t give up. Call your doctor to see what he may recommend and follow through with it. Also, go to your pastor if you are a member of a church. He may be able to help you. If not call the local hospital and see if they can help you get grief counseling. You are not alone.
    I know that you are a good person and have a beautiful gift that you are sharing with an untold number of people. I felt so much joy when I found your site. You just can’t imagine. Please keep in contact. I want to make sure that you get some help and be lifted up! As women we have to bear so much. Sometimes we can have a hormone imbalance or any number of things. I pray that I’ve pointed you in the right direction. Please let me know.


    • helen said

      Sorry for your losses, Maria. and thanks for all the great advice and insights. I have been dealing with death since age of 3. my grandma died when I was 3, after that, the death bells keep ringing… I m from a very small family, I have less than 20 family members & relatives (by blood & marriage), each passing brought me not only sadness but great fear of being left alone and there is no point in carrying on .. lots of other things also contribute to my sadness and depression. To be honest, my Barbie collecting is a result of depression–you feel love & power when you buy these dolls, and you can hold on to them, you have the control over them, they wont die of cancer….

  8. Romona said

    Helen, I am sorry for your loss.

  9. Romona said

    Helen, I enjoy your blog and creations. You are so creative and give the rest of us joy and inspiration, but even if you sell all of your dolls, the sadness and depression will still be there. I hope that you will find a way to cope. Tomorrow is not promised to anyone, but we certainly must make the time that we have count. You’ve helped a lot of people with your creativity.

  10. Dear Helen, Your blog was just posted to my retro sewing facebook group! We *love* your blog and all of your dollies!! I’ve loved Barbie since I was 4, and I had a Francie. I have some dollies, still, (I had to keep Audrey Hepburn, after all) but I have given a large portion of them to a girl of 4 years. I am sorry that you are sad, and I hope that the new year has found you in better spirits! Your dollies have the best outfits!!

    • helen said

      Thank you So much, Joann… your kind words cheer me up. how flattered I am that you & your group members love my blog. I wish I could be more active… wish you find joy in your sewing works…. thanks again for visiting my blog!

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